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Top 10 Bad Ass Old Ladies

July 30, 2010

Source: Horsager

Little old ladies have a certain reputation. They’re usually sweet, bake cookies, knit doilies, and the worst thing they generally do is steal sugar packets from restaurants.

Of course, not all little old ladies are like this. Bitches don’t suddenly become all sweet and domestic they moment they go gray. Hell, I’d say more old ladies are nasty than nice. They’ve done their time being kind and contributing to society. They’re done with that shit.

The fact is, old ladies can be as bad ass as anyone else. If your grandma is anything like mine, you already know this.

What makes an old lady bad ass? A tough as nails attitude and the ability to dish out some physical abuse if the situation warrants it. We’ve picked 10 of the baddest from comics, fiction, TV, and film.

#10 Marva Munson - The Ladykillers

On the surface Mrs. Marva Munson from The Ladykillers seems a bit dim. After all, how could this lady not recognize that fact that the men in her house are not a band of musicians but a band of bank robbers? Marva just sees the world a bit differently, that’s all. In her mind, the worst offense that could happen under her roof is cursing, and she’ll smack the sh-… she’ll smack the daylights out of anyone who shows her or her God any disrespect. The repeated attempts on her life fail miserably, in part due to her age and to her wicked matronly attitude.

#9 Glittering Goldie – Uncle Scrooge Comics

Glittering Goldie originally appeared in Carl Barks’ Uncle Scrooge comic “Back to the Klondike.” She did eventually make an appearance in Ducktales as well. In her youth, Goldie fell for Scrooge but still tricked him out of his claim on a giant gold nugget. Years later, Scrooge returned to claim it, only to be stopped by a tough old broad with a shotgun and grizzly bear. While Ducktales put a spin on her that made her seem kinder, the original Goldie wasn’t so nice. She’s dastardly, and fought Scrooge on the claim with a mix of deviousness and flirtation.

#8 Victoria – Red

Red isn’t even out yet, and the bad assery of Helen Mirren’s character cannot be denied. She’s the assassin of the aging spy team, and she is clearly good at it. I haven’t read the comic the film is based on, but it appears the role was created for the film.  Also: Ms. Mirren arrived at Comic Con wearing a shirt commemorating Harvey Pekar. Awesome.

#7 Sophia Petrillo Weinstock- Golden Girls

Picking the baddest of the Golden Girls was easy. Sophia, played by the late Estelle Getty. Sure, Dorothy was tough. But Sophia was hardcore. She worked for the mob back in the day, and was undoubtedly responsible for the fire that damaged her nursing home before she moved back in with her daughter. She’s also prone to casting curses on those who do her wrong. Not a lady you want to cross.

#6 M - Bond Films

Since Goldeneye, M has been portrayed by the incredible Judy Dench, who is honestly a bad ass no matter what role she is in. M is the head of the British Secret Service, as well as Bond’s boss. Ms. M hates him openly, calling him a “sexist, misogynist dinosaur, a relic of the Cold War.” She’s not just some desk jockey bean counter, either. She once MacGyvered a tracking device out of a clock battery and nuclear warhead while being held hostage.

#5 Granny Weatherwax – Discworld Series

With nicknames like “She Who Must Be Avoided” and “Go Around the Other Side of the Mountain,” you know this is no witch to be trifled with. She is the most powerful witch in Discworld, and is generally disliked by everyone. Confident and practical (but also selfish and short-tempered,) Granny believes in doing what is Right. Granted, her definition of what is Right might be different from everyone elses. She’s defeated Elves, wizards, vampires, and even Death on numerous occasions.

#4 The Women of Sandford NWA – Hot Fuzz

The Women of Sandford’s Neighborhood Watch Alliance don’t take shit from the Fuzz. They, along with the men, run the town with an iron fist. Sandford is going to win the Village of the Year once more, and they will kill anyone who taints their otherwise perfect village. Ruthless, psychotic, packing heat and mad floral arranging skills, these hardcore grannies can only be stopped by the baddest cops of them all: Nicholas Angel and Danny Butterman.

#3 Yubaba – Spirited Away

Miyazaki’s films often have a strong elderly woman character in them. Yubaba tops the list in being a bad ass. An overbearing and authoritarian witch, she runs the bathhouse using an array of forced labor. She is greedy and short tempered, her only soft spot being her giant baby Boh.

#2 Aunt May – Spider-Man Comics

Don’t let her frail appearance deceive you. May Parker has a tough, bad ass core. After all, she’s died about 40 times by now and keeps coming back. Don’t tell me that’s not hardcore. Even though she eventually settled down with kindly Ben Parker, May has always been attracted to bad boys. What’s more, she’s been a herald of Galactus and put Wolverine in his place. Tough old broad.

#1 Mom (Futurama)

She’s the two-faced, chain smoking owner of MomCorp and they don’t get any badder than her. To the public, she is a sweet, plump old lady. But behind closed doors, she shed the fat suit and dishes out abuse on her three sons. Her introductory line? “Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.” Ruthless, nasty, and greedy, her on-again-off-again relationship with Hubert Farnsworth doesn’t show us her soft side. Because she doesn’t have a soft side. She the baddest asstiest old lady there ever was.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. July 31, 2010 2:27 pm

    Fantastic list–I’m super glad you included Granny Weatherwax.

  2. August 2, 2010 2:53 pm

    The first person who popped into my head when I read the title – Aunt May. She’s awesome.

  3. September 6, 2010 4:18 pm

    Hey – I like this list. Fun reading it.

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  1. Maaaybe I should have titled it differently… « The Feminine Miss Geek

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